like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
