Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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