Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
