You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Even my vagina gasped.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
