The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
