Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
