Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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