K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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