yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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