I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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