the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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