Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
