My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Randomize
