i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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