I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
be right there i have to get my cape
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
