He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
