dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
