I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
