I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
