I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
