this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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