exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
