just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
