he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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