I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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