So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
