I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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