i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
