well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
