I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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