Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
