dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize