she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
