i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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