I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
