Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize