Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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