I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
