I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
