Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
