Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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