What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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