So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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