I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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