I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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