Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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