Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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