Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize