Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
