I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
