it was like his penis was on wheels.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
