Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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