My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We need to get me chipped asap
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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