Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
