Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
