anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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