I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
