the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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