Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize