I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you mean i was at the winter classic?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
