how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
