I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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