every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
