Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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