You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
