The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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