Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
