u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
