We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
