After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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