dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
