i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
