How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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