You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
