We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
