Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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