somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
