forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
